He's taking a piss.
Those American guns? I thought they were still on the water.
It beats the hell out of me.
- Relays! Relays! - Come on, relays!
Radio!
Lieutenant. Yeah, 1st Squad, 1st Battalion.
You're kidding.
Yes, sir!
You know who fired that artillery?
The United States Navy.
That was the crews of Savannah miles offshore, all right?
Right. Can you believe that? The U.S. Navy saved our ass.
Hey, where's our planes? Why can't they spot that gun?
I don't know, but Battalion's got 20 patrols out looking for it in this quadrant.
- They think it's an SP. - So why send us?
That's right. We got a break coming.
The Army's made of the 1st Division and 10 million replacements.
- Where the hell are they? - Being stuffed with mattress covers.
Five to 10, when we get off this island, we'll get our feet wet invading Italy.
You don't know geography well for a writer. We're in Italy.
No, this is Sicily. Here they say, "I'm a Sicilian," not an Italian.
My old man was bo...
I figure close to 2500 bucks! I'm sending every lira home.
Mussolini money's good for one thing.
It's Victor Emanuel loot. It's kosher.
- Who told you that? - The captain.
Enlisted man can't send home more than his pay.
- That's to discourage black marketing. - But the lieutenant can.
It's for my old man.
Always wanted his own bagel shop.
- I didn't know bagels were Italian. - Sure they are.
The pope eats gefilte fish on Friday, don't he?
It's his mother. He's hauling her to the beach.
- Tell him we'll bury her. - I did. He'll put her next to his father.
She's decomposing already. The sun's blowing her up.
We've gotta find that SP.
Ask if he knows where the gun is.
- Hell, he doesn't know what an SP is. - You knucklehead.
Tell him it's a self-propelled gun with wheels.
He knows where it is.
The smart aleck wants to make a business deal.
Shell out some bagel money.
He'll take us to the gun...
...we get an ambulance to take her to the cemetery in Gela.
He wants a casket for his mother to sleep in.
And it's gotta have four handles.
All right, he'll get it.
Tell him we'll leave her in the wagon in the shade if he leads us to that gun.
Either we take her with us or we find that gun on our own.
Boy! I don't know how long I'm gonna be able to take this stink.
Can it, Johnson, will you? Talking about it only makes it worse.
Hey, sergeant.
Think this kid is leading us into a bushwhack?
Well, we're getting closer to some kind of gun.
Can you see what it is, sergeant?
Yeah, it's an 88 all right.
On a Tiger tank, in a house.
They got women working in front of her...
...under a Schmeisser.
Yeah, makes a nice, peaceful picture from the air.
What's-your-name, you stay behind.
When you hear us fire, you take out the Schmeisser.
Those Sicilian women cooked us a terrific meal.
Too bad they were all over 50.
We were more horny than we were hungry.
A little mothering is good in any war, but this beats them all.
There's not a man in the whole village.
- Hey, Vinci. - Ho.
Tell Matteo the meat wagon is on its way for his mother.
Oh, and that the general is sending up a casket, silk-lined, with six handles on it.
Matteo! Matteo!
All right, Matteo, it's okay. Thank you.
I told you, kid, a deal's a deal, right? That's all right. That's okay.
No, no, no. I'm mucho gordo, huh? That's okay.
Thanks a lot. You're okay, Matteo, any time.
It was the first time in ages that we had all felt really good.
It lasted about an hour.
Then we got our orders to move out.
Where's my helmet?
The Krauts are gonna spot that garden a mile away.
I like the smell.
What's she want?
You didn't kiss her goodbye.
The American idiot's wearing flowers on his helmet.
Come on.
Hey, Wilhelm, give me back my rubber doughnut.
How about it, Johnson?
- Who are you? - I'm Lemchek.
Lemchek, remember? We been on dry runs for this invasion...
...for seven months in England. I'm Lemchek.
How about what?
Will you swap with me?
Nope. Eleven is my lucky number.
Try Vinci, he might do it.
- Do what? - Hey, listen.
Swap numbers in the Bangalore Relay with me.
My number two for your number 10.
- How much? - Ten thousand dollars.
Ten thousand dollars! Where the hell are you gonna get $ 10,000?
It's from my GI insurance. I'll make you my beneficiary.
- Can you do that? - Hey, I could put Eisenhower down...
...for my beneficiary. I can put down anybody I want.
Lumnuts, I am really shocked.
You know, you told me your mother was your beneficiary.
What's the matter? Don't you love your mother?
- I love my mother. - Sure. I love my mother.
Sure, sure, I love my mother.
But she ain't number 10 on the relay.
Swap with him. He gets hit, you get 10 grand.
- What if I get hit using number two? - Ten thousand dollars will buy a lot of bagels.
No, I like my number 10, like Griff likes number eight.
Zab, nine. Johnson, 11. The sergeant, 12.
It's bad luck to change numbers.
Don't worry, Lemchek, you'll make it. You know why?
Only be dead Germans on that beach.
- Yeah. - That's right.
- You sure? I mean, are you really sure? - Sure, I'm sure.
You don't think I wanna blow $ 10,000, do you?
He don't wanna blow 10,000.
Relax, Lemchek. You heard what the captain said.
It's a couple of schnell battalions, combat rejects defending the beach...
...at Colleville-sur-Mer.
First Squad!
First Squad, over here.
Son of a bitch.
This beach hasn't been touched.
Either our shells and bombs fell too far inland or in the English Channel.
Vinci!
It's Lemchek.
You just blew 10,000 bucks.
Hey, throw me his helmet.
Second Squad!
Those combat rejects sure know how to lay down fire.
Those aren't rejects up there. That's infantry.
We couldn't move forward, we couldn't move back.
Exit E- 1 was blocked by a huge barbed-wire tank trap.
Our Navy was supposed to shell it, our planes were supposed to bomb it...
... our bazooka teams were supposed to blow it up.
If all else failed, we were the last resort: The Bangalore Relay.
First Squad! First Squad!
Bangalore teams two and three knocked out!
- What about our bazooka team? - Dead.
- Bazooka team?! - Killed.
- Break them out! - Naturally, all else failed.
The Bangalore torpedo was 50 feet long and packed with 85 pounds of TNT...
... and you assembled it along the way, by hand.
I'd love to meet the asshole who invented it.
Ready!
Number one.
- Number two. - Dead!
Number three.
Number four.
Number five.
Six.
- Number seven. - Dead!
Number eight.
You'd better make it, Griff, you son of a bitch, because my number's up next!
Nine!
Hang on.
Come on.
Zab, tell the colonel.
Tell the colonel his Exit E-1 is open.
Colonel.
Private Griff...
...I Company, 3rd Battalion.
Blew the breach.
E-1 's open, sir!
There are two kinds of men on this beach:
Those that are dead and those that are about to die.
So let's get off this goddamn beach and die inland.
Come on. Get up. Go. Move, move, move.
Get up. Go, go, go!
Come on, men, let's go. Move.
Hey! Layton, 2nd Division, right?
Denham, 29th. Get some coffees, boys, doughnuts.
We'll chew the fat later.
Hey, come on. Throw the ball.
Just another buzz bomb headed for London.
- Buzz bomb? - Yeah, V-1 rocket.
How do you like the book?
- Damn good. - Hey.
My mother sent it to me for my birthday.
I'm Zab.
- Welcome to the 1st Squad. - I'm Kaiser.
Nice to meet you, Kaiser.
That's my book.
- Your book? - Yeah.
What do you mean, your book? I got this from the Repple-Depple in St-Lo.
I wrote it, baby face.
And I printed it.
You speak good German.
Since 1940, everybody in Paris speaks good German.
I'm sorry. Where did you get wounded?
North Africa.
A stupid German machine-gunner shot me from his tank.
A German shot you?
Everybody shoots everybody in the fight.
And that wound?
Sicily. The American idiot wore flowers on his helmet.
- Your husband? - Yes.
He would not surrender, so you, German, shoot him.
He was stupid.
A good soldier surrenders when he's defeated...
...so he can live to kill his enemy another day.
You, I don't want any infantry around the panzer.
Put that dead panzer gunner hanging halfway out the hatch.
Second radio man, here, behind that man.
Put yourself in a good position.
As we slogged through the hedgerows and across France...
... the sergeant began keeping to himself. It was a little spooky.
He told Vinci he fought around here in the first war.
He kept ahead as if looking for some old ghost...
... to rise up out of the mist.
Kaiser, your turn at bat.
Would you look how fast they put up the names of all our guys who got killed.
That's a World War I memorial.
But the names are the same.
They always are.
Enemy scout advancing.
Give him a round-trip ticket.
I don't want any of you to be where I didn't plant you.
No fingers on triggers.
One shot in panic and we've lost what I want:
A platoon of dead Americans.
Don't twitch any muscle.
Look dead or you will be dead.
Give him a round-trip ticket.
Nothing but a bunch of dead Germans.
- No dead dogfaces? - None.
Let's go.
Enemy scout returning with patrol.
These dead guys give me the creeps.
Shit, Kaiser, something's always giving you the creeps.
- Well, how come there aren't any dead GIs? - Shut up. Keep your eyes open.
Just like I said, sergeant, just three dead Germans.
- What color is that piping? - White.
White's infantry.
Radio.
Get me the lieutenant.
- Lieutenant? Lieutenant. - Yeah, go ahead.
- Yeah, this is Sergeant Possum. - Possum, right. Where are you?
We're at point 33, Christ on the Cross.
You're in an ambush, huh?
Nothing here. Just a bunch of dead Krauts and a knocked-out tank.
All right, sir, we'll wait for you.
Wish we could help, sergeant, but you're on your own.
- What's that? - Good luck. Over and out.
What?
Yes, sir.
Well, I'll be damned. To hell with all officers.
He's afraid the platoon's gonna get lost coming up here...
...so we gotta go back and handhold them all the way right here.
Well, I'll be a son of a gun.
Let's go.
Don't panic. Live people are watching us.
It's a bushwhack.
I'm hit!
Check for wounded Krauts.
You're pretty good at that, Johnson, you should have been in the Medics.
Yeah, I was one...
...in Indiantown Gap.
- Where? - Back in Indiantown Gap, Pennsylvania.
Never heard of him.
Is he dead?
Hey, Johnson, you ever notice how no one ever talks about home anymore, or women?
Yeah, I noticed.
On the double, boys. There's a woman in there.
- Is she wounded? - Easy.
Wounded, hell, she's pregnant.
- Christ, she looks like she's about to pop. - That's what the man said.
Jesus, sergeant, what are we gonna do?
Get the dead Krauts out of the tank and get her in it.
Johnson, you're gonna deliver a baby.
- What baby? - Her baby.
Her husband said she's got labor pains five minutes apart.
- Why me? - You're qualified. Let's go.
Her legs gotta be higher.
- Higher? - Yeah, and spread them apart.
Wide apart.
Face the bullets the other way, away from her.
It's okay, lady.
Relax, would you?
Okay.
Okay. Go to work.
- We need some hot water. - What are you talking about?
- No time for hot water. - Some rubber gloves.
Hey, Griff, break out the condoms.
I need a mask. I can't get germs on the baby.
- There's more germs in this tank than... - No mask, no baby.
That's fine. That's fine.
Give me a diaper pin.
Oh, the rubbers, the rubbers.
Easy, easy...
That's the United States Army for you.
- Take it easy, would you? - Put them together.
Hey, sergeant...
...I'm getting horny. - Just go to work.
Hey, look. Lady...
...I'm a hell of a lot more scared than you are, okay?
Just take it easy.
Get her hands away.
Okay?
Hey, Johnson, your dog tags.
Come on.
I don't see the head yet.
You're never gonna see it if she don't push.
- She gotta push, I think. - What do you mean?
- I think she's gotta push. - You don't know?
- I know. She's gotta push. - You're sure?
- I'm sure. - You're sure?
- Yeah. - Then do it.
Come on, damn it, push.
Push...
It's no use. She ain't gonna push. We might as well write this kid off.
- Can't you push for her? - No, she's gotta...
Look, how do you say "push" in French?
No, you knot-head, not "pussy. "
- That's what I'm saying. - No, you said, "pussy. " I said, poussez.
Hey, Johnson, look. You get the head, I'll do the poussez- ing.
All right.
Easy, lady. Hey, we all love you.
Hey, hey. I can see it. I can see his head.
That's it. That's it. Push. Push.
Don't stop, lady. Come on. Don't stop.
Keep it up. You're doing great. Push.
Push. Push.
He's coming out. Great. He's out! He's out!
It's a boy. A boy!
Look at that.
We got a bunch of medals...
... not for delivering the kid, just for killing Krauts.
In September, we slipped across the Meuse River into Belgium...
... ahead of the main American push.